A man mistreating his wife who goes out without his permission

Question 46: I am a 49 years old woman. I did not have the chance to know my father and I got married soon after his death. I have no siblings or relatives other than my cousins. Now I have ten children of which four are married. I suffer from vitiligo (loss of pigmentation) in my hands and feet since an early age and my husband always mocks me because of this disease since the day we married 22 years ago. Whenever he is angry with me, he says he is the only one who has endured me. At other times, he supplicates to Allaah against me saying, “May Allaah afflict you more and more”. He always threatens to marry another woman, and I do not object. Many times he goes out without saying where he is going. When he returns and I tell him that he is destroying himself and his children, he shouts saying that none will destroy the children but me. Sometimes he calls on me and when I come to him he tells me to go away. When I ask him to discipline the children, he yells at them and tells them that he does not want to see them.

Moreover, after my stepfather has died, sometimes my mother comes to visit me.When he sees us sitting, he does not even greet her; he does not respect her old age. She gets upset when I do not visit her, but he prevents me from going to her. When she comes over, he tells me to send her home, although she has no one but me. Occasionally, I go to her without his knowledge when he is at the Jumu`ah (Friday) Prayer. I do not know whom I should obey, my mother or my husband. Sometimes, I go to the neighbors to stay for a while because I am angry at him or at my children because the neighbors are kind. Am I a sinner for going there? I do not want to live with him anymore, but if I leave him I will have to leave my children and I cannot do that. Would you kindly advise me? May Allaah reward you good.

Answer: Firstly, You and your husband should treat one another with kindness and speak and behave politely. Secondly, each one of you should maintain the rights of the other and fulfill all mutual obligations. Both of you should disregard the minor mistakes of one another in order to overcome your problems and maintain a stable life. Thirdly, a wife should not leave the house of her husband except with his permission. If he prevents her from maintaining ties of kinship, there is no harm on her but he will bear the sin for preventing her... read more here.

Husband misusing his wife’s obligation to obey him

Question 42: What is the Islaamic ruling on Bayt Al-Taa`ah (House of Obedience; a law that requires a wife to return to her husband’s house and to obey him) especially that some husbands make bad use of this law?

Answer: The basic rule states that the relationship between the spouses shall be based on kind treatment and honor, as Allaah (Exalted be He) says: …and live with them honourably. He (Glorified be He) also says: And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect) according to what is reasonable Each of the spouses has rights on the other that must be fulfilled. It is not permissible for either of them to harm the other in any way... read more here.

Obligation of good companionship among spouses

Question 41: My father is sixty five years old and my mother is of the same age. He abuses her verbally, and she leaves the house without his permission. As her children have grown up and gotten married, she has been living with them for five years now. She asks for Talaaq (divorce initiated by a husband), but my father refuses to divorce her, and he does not sustain her. What are the duties on both of them? Bear in mind that both of them are well-off. What is your advice for them? I am their eldest son, and I always advise them to forgive each other. May Allaah guide you to the benefit of Muslims.

Answer: Married couples should live together in kindness and treat each other well. It is not permissible for a husband to abuse his wife verbally, and it is not permissible for her to leave the house without his permission. Each one of them should fear Allaah (Glorified and Exalted be He) as He should be feared and observe His Boundaries... read more here.

Wife wishing to cut her hair although her husband refuses

Question 40: My sister wanted to cut her hair and told her husband, but he refuses to let her; what is your opinion on this?

Answer: It is obligatory on a woman to obey her husband in what is Ma‘roof (that which is judged as good, beneficial, or fitting by Islaamic law and Muslims of sound intellect), and not cutting her hair is obligatory on her out of obedience to her husband, as this is part of that which is Ma‘roof... read more here.

Taking the husband’s permission to offer Tahajjud

Question 38: Is it permissible for a woman to offer Qiyaam-ul-Layl (optional Prayer at night) and Tahajjud (optional late night Prayer) without her husband’s permission when he is present? Bear in mind that she only offers themafter her husband is asleep. She also took his permission once to observe supererogatory Sawm (fasting), and he agreed and told her she can perform any act of religious devotion. Should she take his permission again, or is the first time enough?

Answer: Firstly, a woman should keep up Qiyaam-ul-Layl and encourage her husband to keep it up. It is related by Aboo Daawood and Al-Nasaa’ee that the Prophet (peace be upon him) said, May Allaah show mercy to a man who wakes up at night, offers Prayers, and wakes his wife up. And if she refuses to wake up, he sprinkles water on her face. May Allaah show mercy to a woman who wakes up at night, offers Prayers, and wakes her husband up. And if he refuses to wake up, she sprinkles water on his face.”... read more here.

Fasting in the presence of the husband

Question 4: I am a religiously committed woman. I observe Sawm (Fast) in Ramadaan, the six days of Shawwaal, the White Days (13th, 14th, and 15th of every Hijree month), in addition to Mondays and Thursdays. When I intend to observe Sawm during such days, I ask for my husband’s permission first. At the beginning he agrees, but after a while he gets angry and exclaims: “Every day Sawm, Sawm!” In this case, is it permissible for me to observe Sawm or not?

Answer: It is not permissible for you to observe supererogatory Sawm in the presence of your husband without his permission, because of his rights as a husband… read more here.

Obeying the husband and asking his permission to go out

Question 8: I am married and have a child, thanks to Allaah. Some small problems broke out between me and my husband. One day, my elder sister phoned me, and I told her about a problem that I had with my husband. She told me to leave my child with him and go to my family as the wife of so-and-so did when she left her twenty-day child with her husband. She advised me to do the same as her. She told me to hit my husband with a knife or the like in case another dispute takes place between us. When I first told her what had happened, I thought she would give me good advice. I thought she cared about my future and does not want to ruin my life. I was enraged by her words; she cursed my husband and said that he was a bastard.

When I told my husband, he got angry and prevented me fromvisiting her forever. I told him that severing the ties of kinship is Haraam (prohibited). However, he insisted on his stand.

Respected shaykh, this is my problem; should I obey my husband and sever the ties of kinship with my sister, or what should I do? Answer me, may Allaah reward you with the best.

Answer: Obeying your husband and asking his permission to visit your sister is obligatory. You should convince him in a nice way; if he persists, you have to obey him, for obeying him is obligatory upon you, and you will not be held accountable for not visiting your sister… read more here.

Wife visiting her parents once a week

Question 7: I wear Niqaab (face veil), all praise be to Allaah. My husband is a Multazim (practicing muslim) and good-mannered man, but he tries to prevent me from visiting my family. I do not want to go out of the house very often. If he permits me to visit my father once a week, will this be against the teachings of Islaam? Is the order to maintain the ties of kinship exclusive to men? Do not women have rights over their husbands other than providing them with food, drink, and shelter? Are not they entitled to other nonmaterial rights? Please advise, may Allaah show mercy to you.

Answer: Islaam has assigned rights and duties that both the husband and wife should mutually observe and fulfill for one another. One of these rights is tokeep good company with one another. There will be no blame on the wife if she visits her parents once a week or once every other week. That is because maintaining the ties of kinship is obligatory for the Mukallaf (person meeting the conditions to be held legally accountable for their actions), male and female alike… read more here.

Going out without the husband’s permission to work or to visit others

Question 6: What is the ruling on a woman going out without her husband’s permission to visit her female neighbor, her family, or to work?

Answer: It is impermissible for her to do so unless her husband explicitly permits her to go out. However, such permission may be implied by `Urf (custom) which is agreed upon by both of them or that there is a condition in the contract of marriage to the effect that a wife is to be given permission to work… read more here.

Wife going out to visit her relatives and neighbors

Question 5: What is the ruling on a woman who goes out to visit her sister, the wives of her husband’s relatives, and her neighbors without her husband’s permission, as their houses are so close?

Answer: A wife should not leave her husband’s house for such reasons without her husband’s permission. If she takes his permission, she may go out but she has to observe the etiquettes of Islam, wear her veil and avoid applying perfume… read more here.

Wife going out for some errands while observing decency

Question 4: What is the ruling on a woman going to the market to meet her needs? There is nobody to do this task except her husband who does not know the needs of the house and the wife. It is noteworthy that the woman wears complete Hijaab (veil) and lowers her voice when she goes out. What is the ruling on women going out without their husband’s consent?

Answer: If the reality is as you have mentioned, that she goes out after asking her husband’s permission to meet the necessary needs and there is nobody else to do so, there is nothing wrong with it. However, all goodness lies in staying at home and not going out frequently except in cases of necessity… read more here.

Wife going out of her husband’s house

Question 3: What should a Muslim woman do if she wants to leave her husband’s house to go somewhere?

Answer: A wife has to seek her husband’s permission before leaving his house. If he gives her permission, she may go out wearing decent clothes and veil and avoiding any aspect which may lead to temptation… read more here.

Woman leaving her house without her husband’s permission

Question 1: What is the ruling on a woman going out to the market without her husband’s permission?

Answer: If a woman wants to go out, she should inform her husband about the place she is going to and take his permission as he knows what benefits her. For the general meaning of Allaah’s Saying… read more here.