Distributing everything between the wives equally or with their consent

Question 7: I married young, without much awareness and forethought, to a woman, who is sincere and religiously committed, but I am not attracted to her physically. After fifteen years, I found the woman I had been longing for and I married her also. My first wife gave birth to many children, but only four survived (may Allaah protect them) and my second wife gave birth to seven children, all of whom survived (all praise be to Allaah). The two wives live together in one big house and the affection between them is strange, as they treat each other like sisters, because I try hard to be fair to them both in everything I have. Each one sleeps with her children in a separate room and I sleep alone in another room. What concerns me is that I am deeply attracted to the second wife, but I rarely feel any inclination towards the first, no matter how hard I try through fear of Allah, due to her old age and because she does not take care of herself. Please guide me and may Allaah guide you, to save me from fallinginto sin in this matter. May Allaah protect you and extend your lives for Islaam and the Muslims.

Answer: There is no harm in what you have done, if the two of them are happy with that, as Allaah, (Glorified be He) says: So keep your duty to Allaah and fear Him as much as you can It is also reported that `Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) said, The Prophet (peace be upon him) used to divide equally among his wives and be fair, then he would say, “O Allaah! This is my division in that which I own (have control over or the power to do), so do not blame me in that which You own and I do not own (i.e. The inclination of the heart).” read more here.

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Cancelling the share of a co-wife beyond the age of child bearing

Question 6: Is it true that if a Muslim has four wives and one of them becomes old, i.e. experiences menopause, he only has to provide for her and not to have sexual intercourse with her?

Answer: He must provide for her housing, clothes and daily needs. As for dedicating a night to her like the rest of his wives, this is to be agreed upon between the two of them. If she accepts to concede her night to another wife, this will be fine, otherwise, he should dedicate a night to her or divorce her if she asks for it… read more here.

Cancelling a co-wife’s share due to her illness

Question 5: I married a second wife while my first wife was ill. I prepared a separate house for each of them. Now, I do not get the same care my second wife gives me in my first wife’s house. Will I be sinful if I stay longer and spend more nights in my second wife’s house, since my first wife is ill and cannot take care of me?

Answer: The basic principle states that justice among wives regarding housing, food, clothing, and spending the night is obligatory. You should fear Allah and be just to them according to your ability. If you want to favor any of them for the reasons you mentioned, you should kindly ask the other’s permission… read more here.