Question 46: I am a 49 years old woman. I did not have the chance to know my father and I got married soon after his death. I have no siblings or relatives other than my cousins. Now I have ten children of which four are married. I suffer from vitiligo (loss of pigmentation) in my hands and feet since an early age and my husband always mocks me because of this disease since the day we married 22 years ago. Whenever he is angry with me, he says he is the only one who has endured me. At other times, he supplicates to Allaah against me saying, “May Allaah afflict you more and more”. He always threatens to marry another woman, and I do not object. Many times he goes out without saying where he is going. When he returns and I tell him that he is destroying himself and his children, he shouts saying that none will destroy the children but me. Sometimes he calls on me and when I come to him he tells me to go away. When I ask him to discipline the children, he yells at them and tells them that he does not want to see them.
Moreover, after my stepfather has died, sometimes my mother comes to visit me.When he sees us sitting, he does not even greet her; he does not respect her old age. She gets upset when I do not visit her, but he prevents me from going to her. When she comes over, he tells me to send her home, although she has no one but me. Occasionally, I go to her without his knowledge when he is at the Jumu`ah (Friday) Prayer. I do not know whom I should obey, my mother or my husband. Sometimes, I go to the neighbors to stay for a while because I am angry at him or at my children because the neighbors are kind. Am I a sinner for going there? I do not want to live with him anymore, but if I leave him I will have to leave my children and I cannot do that. Would you kindly advise me? May Allaah reward you good.
Answer: Firstly, You and your husband should treat one another with kindness and speak and behave politely. Secondly, each one of you should maintain the rights of the other and fulfill all mutual obligations. Both of you should disregard the minor mistakes of one another in order to overcome your problems and maintain a stable life. Thirdly, a wife should not leave the house of her husband except with his permission. If he prevents her from maintaining ties of kinship, there is no harm on her but he will bear the sin for preventing her... read more here.