Question 39: I have a wife and five children including infants and toddlers. My wife does not fulfill her household and marital duties nor takes care of the cleanliness of my children. She does not care about me and does not accept my advice or requests. For instance, she does not obey me when I call her to bed, and she leaves the house indifferently without my permission. Sometimes I return home and find the children crying, while she is not with them. I do not know where she goes when she is out. I wish she could do some household chores, such as cooking, making me tea or coffee, and doing the laundry, but she does not do any of these things; even worse she has aggressive manners. What should I do with this woman? Some people have suggested something that would cure her and make her obedient to me. Is this cure permissible? What should I do with this wife? May Allaah reward you best and guide you to goodness in this life and the Hereafter.
Answer: If the reality is as you mentioned, you should advise her and explain to her the rights of the husband on his wife and the rights of the children on their mother and you should do this in a kind and gentle way. Tell her that leaving her husband’s house without his permission is not permissible. Instruct her to fulfill her due rights towards you with peace and love, and fulfill her rights. Ask her parents and Mahrams (unmarriageable relatives) to help you... read more here.